im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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