She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
