There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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