I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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