Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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