He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
