My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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