We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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