Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
