Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
