I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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