im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
