I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
