Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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