Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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