Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
