kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
