dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
