Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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