I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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