i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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