I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
