If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
