u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
