Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
