got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
