is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
