wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
