happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
