apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
