What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
