Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
