I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
