Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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