god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
