1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
