So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
