I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
