You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
