Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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