so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
