Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
