p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm passing your future prison.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
