dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This house was built for laser tag.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
