Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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