If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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