I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
