I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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