but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
