after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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