Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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