Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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